Shortly after arriving in Amman, as I was getting ready for the day, my flat
iron made a funny noise and small sparks came from it and then puff! It was dead!
Standing there looking at my dead flat iron in shock (and being thankful
that it didn’t start a fire) a wave of frustration came over me. Now had this happen at home, I would have
quickly jumped in my car, driven to “my” Target and purchased a flat iron and
still make it on time to my event. But I
wasn’t at home. I have no car and there
is not a Target here. How does one take
care of this small problem in this country?
It was at this time that I became a bit homesick and little
things would set off the homesickness even more. It never occurred to me before leaving home
that something as small and insignificant as my flat iron dying would make me
feel homesick, but it did. All last
week, I was filled with emotions and feelings that I couldn’t understand let
alone completely express to anyone because I wasn’t even sure how or what I was
feeling. I then began to think and self
analyze what was going on here and then the last few days, it all came to me…absolutely
EVERYTHING in my life is completely different!
Now when I say everything, I mean everything. Amman is 10 hours ahead of California. I’m now eating when I should be sleeping, and
when I should be sleeping (and I have yet to have a good night’s sleep since
being here) I am now eating! The way I
eat is different; the foods I eat are different. The way I dress is different. The way I run errands is different. Heck even the way I shower and go to the
bathroom are different! (You can’t put
toilet paper in the toilets here. I
can’t tell you how many times I have had to fish it out of the toilet before
flushing! Yes I know, GROSS!) The way I
do laundry is different; the way I pay for things is different; the way I
exercise is different (walking for exercise is not something that people do
here so I do get a lot of stares!)
Everything in my life is completely different!! All of my daily tasks that I wouldn’t have to
think twice about when doing them at home are completely different.
I’m also a foreigner in this place I am living. I don’t speak the language and have to think
how to communicate my basic needs (of where I want to go to a taxi driver),
what I’m looking for, how much something is, etc. It is all so daunting and so exhausting! Then I’m working with other Americans who do
speak my language, but at times I feel like a foreigner there as well. I feel like everyone around, whether speaking
English or not, is speaking this other language and I am constantly trying to
catch up and understand what everyone is talking about! At times, I will pay the taxi driver more
than I should simply because I don’t have in me to fight with him or if one of
my co-workers is telling about something that I have no idea what they are
talking about, I just smile and nod even though I’m clueless!
All of this can make one feel isolated, alone, exhausted,
cranky, etc, etc. We like to be
comfortable. We like to feel like we are
in control and can do pretty much everything and anything so when we are placed
or put ourselves in situations where things are different or uncomfortable; we
quickly try and get ourselves back to what we know. Yesterday as I did my thing, I remembered
that I needed to go to the place that I am familiar with and can bring me
comfort. Time alone with the Lord.
In doing that I remember that He is not interested in me
being comfortable and having my nice little cozy life. He is interested in me and making me into the
person He wants me to be. He is
interested in my hopes, dreams and fears so I took all of these feelings to
Him. As much as I would like to say that
everything was fixed, they were not.
Today was another day of thinking, crying, learning, and even feeling a
bit alone and was filled with failures.
It was another day of having to figure life out and how to communicate
with everyone I came into contact with.
However I knew that my God would never change and that I can cling to
Him even when I feel down and life isn’t a bowl of cherries.
Long before I left, a friend of mine kept telling me that I
needed to get out of my rut, and I can safely say to this person that I most definitely
have gotten out of my rut!!!! I’m
learning that you discover all sorts of things about yourself and you see sides
to yourself that you didn’t know existed when you get out of the familiar and
into the unfamiliar. It does take a toll
on your emotions, but I can’t let it control my attitude. Then another friend of mine said this to
me. Once I get settled here and all the
newness of this place is gone, I will go
back home to the States and go through all of this again in reverse! Sigh……so
not comforting!
What about you? Is it
time for you to get out of your rut?
Especially in our American culture, we cling to our ruts because they
bring us that sense of comfort. Speaking
as someone who is outside of my comfort zone 24 hrs. a day/7 days a week, part
of me is longing for my rut! However
what I am slowly realizing is that we were not created to be in a rut. Step out of your comfort zone and do
something crazy and brave!!! You will
find a whole new level to yourself that you didn’t even know existed!!! It’s scary, but as we trust God and the power
of His Holy Spirit, we will be allowing Him to change us and will do great and
mighty things!!!
Get out of your rut!!!!
PS: I did get a new
flat iron, but oh my gosh the ordeal I went through to get it and the
expense!!! Like I said, the simplest of
tasks here is such an ordeal!
