It Has Not Been a Bowl of Cherries

Shortly after arriving in Amman,  as I was getting ready for the day, my flat iron made a funny noise and small sparks came from it and then puff!  It was dead!  Standing there looking at my dead flat iron in shock (and being thankful that it didn’t start a fire) a wave of frustration came over me.  Now had this happen at home, I would have quickly jumped in my car, driven to “my” Target and purchased a flat iron and still make it on time to my event.  But I wasn’t at home.  I have no car and there is not a Target here.  How does one take care of this small problem in this country?

It was at this time that I became a bit homesick and little things would set off the homesickness even more.  It never occurred to me before leaving home that something as small and insignificant as my flat iron dying would make me feel homesick, but it did.  All last week, I was filled with emotions and feelings that I couldn’t understand let alone completely express to anyone because I wasn’t even sure how or what I was feeling.  I then began to think and self analyze what was going on here and then the last few days, it all came to me…absolutely EVERYTHING in my life is completely different!

Now when I say everything, I mean everything.   Amman is 10 hours ahead of California.  I’m now eating when I should be sleeping, and when I should be sleeping (and I have yet to have a good night’s sleep since being here) I am now eating!  The way I eat is different; the foods I eat are different.  The way I dress is different.  The way I run errands is different.  Heck even the way I shower and go to the bathroom are different!  (You can’t put toilet paper in the toilets here.  I can’t tell you how many times I have had to fish it out of the toilet before flushing!  Yes I know, GROSS!) The way I do laundry is different; the way I pay for things is different; the way I exercise is different (walking for exercise is not something that people do here so I do get a lot of stares!)  Everything in my life is completely different!!  All of my daily tasks that I wouldn’t have to think twice about when doing them at home are completely different.

I’m also a foreigner in this place I am living.  I don’t speak the language and have to think how to communicate my basic needs (of where I want to go to a taxi driver), what I’m looking for, how much something is, etc.  It is all so daunting and so exhausting!  Then I’m working with other Americans who do speak my language, but at times I feel like a foreigner there as well.  I feel like everyone around, whether speaking English or not, is speaking this other language and I am constantly trying to catch up and understand what everyone is talking about!  At times, I will pay the taxi driver more than I should simply because I don’t have in me to fight with him or if one of my co-workers is telling about something that I have no idea what they are talking about, I just smile and nod even though I’m clueless! 

All of this can make one feel isolated, alone, exhausted, cranky, etc, etc.  We like to be comfortable.  We like to feel like we are in control and can do pretty much everything and anything so when we are placed or put ourselves in situations where things are different or uncomfortable; we quickly try and get ourselves back to what we know.  Yesterday as I did my thing, I remembered that I needed to go to the place that I am familiar with and can bring me comfort.  Time alone with the Lord. 

In doing that I remember that He is not interested in me being comfortable and having my nice little cozy life.  He is interested in me and making me into the person He wants me to be.  He is interested in my hopes, dreams and fears so I took all of these feelings to Him.  As much as I would like to say that everything was fixed, they were not.  Today was another day of thinking, crying, learning, and even feeling a bit alone and was filled with failures.  It was another day of having to figure life out and how to communicate with everyone I came into contact with.   However I knew that my God would never change and that I can cling to Him even when I feel down and life isn’t a bowl of cherries. 

Long before I left, a friend of mine kept telling me that I needed to get out of my rut, and I can safely say to this person that I most definitely have gotten out of my rut!!!!  I’m learning that you discover all sorts of things about yourself and you see sides to yourself that you didn’t know existed when you get out of the familiar and into the unfamiliar.  It does take a toll on your emotions, but I can’t let it control my attitude.  Then another friend of mine said this to me.  Once I get settled here and all the newness of this place is gone,  I will go back home to the States and go through all of this again in reverse! Sigh……so not comforting!  

What about you?  Is it time for you to get out of your rut?  Especially in our American culture, we cling to our ruts because they bring us that sense of comfort.  Speaking as someone who is outside of my comfort zone 24 hrs. a day/7 days a week, part of me is longing for my rut!  However what I am slowly realizing is that we were not created to be in a rut.  Step out of your comfort zone and do something crazy and brave!!!  You will find a whole new level to yourself that you didn’t even know existed!!!  It’s scary, but as we trust God and the power of His Holy Spirit, we will be allowing Him to change us and will do great and mighty things!!! 

Get out of your rut!!!! 

PS:  I did get a new flat iron, but oh my gosh the ordeal I went through to get it and the expense!!!  Like I said, the simplest of tasks here is such an ordeal!